These days it seems like we all know we need to love ourselves more, and we want to love ourselves more, but we’re just not sure where or how to even begin. Self-love can definitely seem intimidating at first. Especially if you’ve gone your whole life practicing the opposite!
That’s why today, we’re doing some real talk about self-love. In our personal self-love journey so far, we have learned A LOT about what helps and what doesn’t. So, it’s our intention to help smoothe out your self-love journey with the tips, tricks, and truths in this article.
These are the truths everyone should know about self-love as they embark on this journey. They help tremendously!
1. YOU DON’T NEED TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF
The first important principle to keep in mind when embarking on your self-love journey is that you don’t actually need to learn how to love yourself, because there is a part of you that ALREADY does.
Yup, you heard us.
There is a part of you (call it your “Soul”… call it your “Higher Self”) that sees you through the eyes of Source (aka God). This part knows your divine perfection. So, your only task is not to learn how to love yourself, it’s simply to connect with the unconditionally loving part of you that already exists inside of you! This is great news because it means that once you get connected to that higher aspect of yourself, you’ll automatically realize your divine perfection and be able to love yourself, just the way you are!
Because, right now, you may be feeling like there are a LOT of things you need to “change”, “improve”, or “fix” before you can become more loveable. But the truth is, you’re already whole. You’re already enough. And your Higher Self knows this truth.
“YOU’RE ALREADY WHOLE. YOU’RE ALREADY ENOUGH. AND YOUR HIGHER SELF KNOWS THIS TRUTH.”
That’s why when you think bad thoughts about yourself, you feel bad. Because in those moments you are in complete disagreement with your Higher Self, which causes inner discord. So by seeing yourself through Its eyes, you won’t feel the need to change anything anymore and you will finally accept and embrace yourself fully… starting now!
2. SELF-LOVE IS A PRACTICE, NOT A DESTINATION
Like yoga, self-love is a practice that you cultivate, not a destination that you have to arrive at. It’s called a practice because it is something that you keep practicing over and over and over.
And with time, you naturally get better and better at it. Please don’t expect to just one day get “there” and become 100 percent self-loving all the time. Because you’ll always be disappointed and unnecessarily hard on yourself when you think you’ve made it, but then you have an “off” day. (Which is totally human and normal, by the way.) Expecting yourself to be perfect at self-love is actually a really unloving thing to do. Because expecting yourself to be perfect at anything is a really harsh way to disciple yourself. Love is all about acceptance. Love goes easy on you. Love is understanding. So by accepting where you are in your self-love journey right now, by going easy on yourself, and by understanding that you’re only human, you are actually loving yourself. Instead of judging, grading, and pressuring yourself to be “perfect”.
3. SOME SELF-LOVE DAYS WILL BE BETTER THAN OTHERS
With that being said, as you practice loving yourself more, some days will be easier than others. Some days the love will flow naturally because you’ll be so connected to your Soul… other days, when the flow is restricted, it’s gonna seem really hard to love yourself.
And guess what, that’s ok! That’s life. That’s the human experience. There will always be contrast. And even though it may seem like the harder days are “bad”. They are actually a blessing in disguise. Because when it’s hard to love yourself, you birth a strong ass desire to truly love yourself. And from that desire, the real self-love is born. So, both types of days (the easy and the hard) are helping you to cultivate more self-love, even if it doesn’t always feel or seem like it.
“EVERY MOMENT WHEN YOU’RE NOT ACTING LOVING TOWARDS YOURSELF IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO PRACTICE MORE SELF-LOVE!”
4. SELF-CARE IS NOT SELF-LOVE UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY LOVE YOURSELF
One of the most popular ways to get yourself going on a self-love journey is to start taking better care of yourself. If you go on Pinterest and search for “self-care” you’ll find about 1,000,000 lists with ideas for ways you can do it. And don’t get us wrong, self-care is great! BUT. Self-care means nothing without the actual authentic self-love behind it. Because self-care without self-love is just self-obligation.
“SELF-CARE MEANS NOTHING WITHOUT THE ACTUAL AUTHENTIC SELF-LOVE BEHIND IT. BECAUSE SELF-CARE WITHOUT SELF-LOVE IS JUST SELF-OBLIGATION.”
You feel obligated to take care of yourself because you probably never do. And you never do because you probably don’t actually love yourself. Because if you did love yourself, you would automatically be inspired to take the best care of yourself. You wouldn’t be trying to take care of yourself in order to love yourself. You would love yourself and hence, take care of yourself.
We're not saying that you should drop your self-care practice. What I’m saying is don’t start with self-care, start with self-love. Self-care is a side effect of self-love. Self-love is the actual solution you are looking for. Because when you love yourself you’ll automatically want to eat better foods, indulge in more bubble baths, and practice kind affirmations towards yourself. You won’t have to force anything or do anything out of obligation ever again.
5. SELF-LOVE IS NOT ABOUT “IMPROVING” YOURSELF
We think most of us would agree that practicing self-love is technically considered a self-improvement technique. But this implies that by loving yourself there is something to improve. We're here to tell you that you don’t need to improve, change, or manipulate, any part of you in order to love yourself. Because love is all about embracing, acceptance, understanding, and expansiveness. By loving yourself, you will definitely grow. That’s for sure. But don’t think for one second that there’s anything about you that needs to be “improved”. There’s not.
There are only qualities and traits about you that need to be better understood, integrated, and accepted. That’s love. Love is saying, “I’m this thing… I’m this way… I’m this trait… and I own all of it!” Doesn’t that feel better than constantly trying to “improve” yourself?
6. SELF-LOVE BECOMES MUCH EASIER WITH A LITTLE SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE
Teaching yourself how to love yourself is not always the easiest (or shortest) process.
It can be really hard and overwhelming to figure out how to accept the parts of yourself that you’ve always disliked. It can be confusing to know where to start and how to practice more self-love in your, real, daily life. It can take you years, lots of books, or tons of therapy, and a bunch of tough learning curves for me to get to where you are today. We wish we would have had someone to hold my hand through the process and give me a more, streamlined step-by-step approach.